Amen Corner

As many of you know, this past weekend was The Masters, for me, as much as opening day of little league, it the true sign of spring and as they say - "Hope springs eternal, maybe this year I'll hit the links a few times."


On that front I offer you a special themed spin on one of the funniest written chapters in history. In Drew Carey's book "Dirty Jokes and Beer" he has a chapter named "101 Big Dick Jokes" in which he and his friends go back and forth with jokes that start "my dick is so big..."


I should make the same claim that Drew makes in that I'm really not that big or special, but the lines crack me up. Of course some of these will make you cringe and hopefully others will make your gut hurt. Feel free to add your own later. And they're better if you read them out loud. (Especially if you're a female)

So without further explanation, here are my (and a few from myICE)

Master's Edition: Big Dick Jokes

My dick is so big, Jim Nance interviewed it.
My dick is so big, it replaces it's own divots.
My dick is so big, it has a caddy.
My dick is so big, it tips in $100's.
My dick is so big, it has it's own green jacket.
My dick is so big, it has a non-alcaholic drink named after it.
... it does commercials for Pennzoil.
... its always "in the hunt" on Sunday.
... it has its own line of "head covers"
... it skips the Pro Am and Par 3 on Wednesday.
... it doesn't need a rake for the sand traps.
... its always longer than the ladies tee.
... even Tiger Woods likes to keep an eye on it.
... Tiger uses it to measure his drives.
... John Daly bet on it.
... it was 2 under on the back nine.
... it has a dogleg to the left.
Nick Faldo is broadcasting live from... my dick.
... hits a wedge 180 yards
... it has no short game.

The funny things is, I don't even know what half of these are supposed to mean.

Anyway, feel free to post your own big dick jokes...Masters edition.

Gin Hahn,
T

UPDATE! I remembered a few more....
My Dick is so big, it has endorsement deals with Cadillac and Nike.
My Dick is so big, it has its own golf cart.

Read my friend John's Blog.

Not only is he a pretty good guitar player, he's really funny.

John's Blog

This post about his pb spreader is certainly worth a read.

Jin Hahn,
T

Top 20 Songs with Girls Names in the title...

Don't ask me how or why I got started on this, it had something to do with what a great song Alison is, and how it would make my list of all-time favorite songs, but then I realized that it would be pretty far down the list, so I had to make a list it would be near the top of.

So here's the list, not exactly in order. (Because if your not 1st, it don't matter)

1. Allison - Elvis Costello
2. Julia - John Lennon
3. Rosalita (Come out tonight) - Bruce Springsteen
4. Mustang Sally - Otis Redding
5. Roxanne - The Police
6. Layla - Derrick and The Dominoes
7. Sara Smile - Hall and Oats
8. Ruby My Dear - Thelonious Monk
9. My Sharona - The Knack
10. GLORIA - Van Morrison
11. Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
12. A Boy Named Sue - Johnny Cash
13. Runaround Sue - Dion
14. Georgia On My Mind - Ray Charles
15. Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles ( But the Ray Charles version is better)
16. Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel
17. Maybellene - Chuck Berry
18. Lucille - BB King
19. Come on Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners
20. Long Tall Sally - Little Richard

If you follow the link It'll take you to the iTunes store with samples.

For What it's Worth

In no particular order

J. Stevens, whose name I will almost never mention here again- blew a .2 - Told you he was a stupid bitch.

I feel terrible for the Edwards family, but he should not run, not now. He's a young guy. John, stay home and take care of your wife and kids- they need you. And in 8 years, imagine the pickup lines. "Hi, I'm John, head of the free world, can I buy you a drink?"

I heard these guys on Howard Stern today, they were pretty good, and an interesting concept. If they came to town, I'd probably think about going to see them. The Fab Faux

A Little TV Wrap-Up
Lately, I've been really getting into watching Brothers and Sisters

I have TiVo'd every episode of Friday Night Lights but have only watched a few. Its a great show, and not really about sports. My ICE told me that people better watch it because it hasn't been renewed yet- so if you haven't seen it- give it a try.

Top Design, which I'm also watching on TiVo, so I could be quite a bit behind schedule finally got rid of that freaking annoying kid Michael. Finally I can watch the show.

VOTE SANJAYA Because it's funny.

Spring Break
Went to Spring Training last week with Mom, Pops, Bro and myICE. We had a great time. I sometimes forget how much I love to just watch baseball. I'm going to have to pursue my dream of visiting all of the minor league ballparks some day on vacation. I did completely lose my voice on the trip, which everyone was amused by, luckily myICE has a personality and is friendly and outgoing, she made it so that I wasn't a necessary bridge. She is amazing. (Mom, if you are reading this, I'm saying anything negative about you, you are amazing too- I'm just saying...)

Lately I've been feeling like if I was paid hourly, then I could start my retirement early.
As I write, its 7:30ish- myICE is watching Top Design reruns, and I'm waiting for a file to download so that I can check it out and send it to a press in California where 2 members of my team are anxiously awaiting its arrival so they can approve it on press. We don't usually work this way, but everyone in front of me has been late and now we're at the last minute. The bad news here- I've done something like this almost every night this week. The worse news. Its going to be like this until May. Worse than that... The guy who works for me that does files (J- you are amazing. I would be lost without you) the only other person in my company who does this particular function of my job will be taking maternity leave in late May. So make that Crazy for me until June. The crazier thing... He just bought a new house and is going to sell his current home and move himself, his 2 year old, and his 8 month pregnant wife by May 11. He's really busy- when I think I have it tough, I head down to Starbucks with him for the latest highlights. Suddenly my crazy schedule is a breeze.

Starting next month, when you walk into one of our branches, I will have touched every single printed piece you see. I think its time for my team to grow.

The Boyz
Doing great. D is taking names and kickin' ass on the soccer field. And making time for baseball as well. And on top of that, he's still managing to get good grades. I couldn't be more proud.

M Is a ROCKSTAR in the making. He's got the look, and digs it. He has personality to the 9's and he loves to entertain. He is like the boss, as some of you may have noticed. To entertain you he will give until there is nothing more to give and he collapses in a heap on the floor.

Movies
Casino Royale was a beast. If you haven't seen it, i suggest you do. Its different from all the other Bond movies. More cerebral, quiet. The first scene after the credits was amazing. After you watch it, watch it again and be wowed with the camera shots and how they managed it all. Even if you told me it was all animated or some ILM voodoo stuff I will still say its amazing. The cinematography should have won the Oscar for that one scene alone.

Can't wait for Blades of Steel. Although I imagine like all Will Farrell movies, its a bit better after a drink or two.

And with that- Gin Hahn,
T

Funny or Die

This is funnier than Blades of Steel. Save the $8, unless you frequent a theatre that sells beer. Wait a few months and watch it at home with your own six pack. I guarantee it'll be funnier.

Gin Hahn,
T

Happy Birthday Bon

Sorry I missed it, but I thought of you the day before, and the day after.... does that count?

Gimmie a call if you still want to do 25 for 25- I heard you did Zoe. Awesome, huh?

Jin Hahn,
T

Check This Out

TED

TED Talks - at $6,000 a ticket, we can't possibly go to this event and hear the speakers. But it seems that going would change your world view.

So the next best thing would be to watch or listen to the speakers online. This link here is for a summary of what its all about. After that go to the home page and and watch or download any of the speeches that interest you... or maybe better yet, the ones that don't.

Gin Hahn,
T

In case you missed it before... I was right.

Busted!


Jeremy Stevens ( I refuse to spell it his incorrect way, he doesn't deserve it ) is a lame ass bitch. His latest antics prove it. What a waste of talent and a human being. I mean for christ sakes, you're young, huge and have all the talent in the world. But 4 or 5 margaritas and you can't walk? Dude, you are an embarrassment.

Gin Hahn,
Tim

EAT AT THE Hi-Life Restaurant in Ballard

Eat at the Hi-Life on Tuesday March 27th from 5pm to midnight for dinner and a cocktail in support of the creative development of our kids. The Hi-Life is joining forces with Ballard High School to raise money for our Drama and Music programs. Message from the Hi-Life: "Let's help set them up with even better funding for the next production. Go Beavers!"


I'm always up for supporting a good cause. I'll probably be out of town, so please go and raise one for me.
Jin Hahn,
T

Bet you didn't know...

If I sneeze 17 times in a row, my arms go numb.

The Gyroball may or may not be the biggest thing to hit the big leagues since the split fingered fastball.

Fastball is a band that drives me crazy.

Crazy is a term also reserved for my former spouse.

(No, I'm still not engaged.)

I find some of the people I work with to be extremely engaging.

The others I think are crazy.

Today at lunch I had Kobe Ravioli. Tastes great.

Say it out loud, even sounds better.

Better make mine a double. Cause I may be going to Milwaukee next week.

Weekends never come fast enough. And Monday is always too soon.

Sooner or later it will all catch up to you.

You better take your time.

Enjoy this moment,and the next one too.

Gin Hahn,
T